This Woman's Worth

30 April 2005

having stupid stamped on my forehead to an older woman's phone call

U know... I was gonna vent tonight... but as I was typing my blog about this man who thinks I am crazy and deranged because I found pics of females... NUDE PICS... I received a phone call from this terrific woman I have grown to know and love over the years. She's an employee of my fathers and she admires my father and loves our family dearly. She made me realize that what I experienced tonight with this man is sand added to my jar and that I was trying to make it a rock. She helped me to remember that the small stuff in life is not worth worrying over or even dealing with. So... I have sifted that sand into my jar... because my jar is HUGE and the sand will take up less space, allowing more important things to drift into my life and be able to fill my jar. I'm glad she called. She made my night! She brought a smile to my face! Her 40th wedding anniversary is in May and she and her husband will be renewing their vows. These days, it's just tough for us decent women to find a man who is worth our hearts and minds to marry. A lot of people have forgotten what marriage really means. I admire her and her husband and my family members who have been married for as long as they have been married. They have weathered many a storm and are still together and still loving the hell out of one another! Wow! God... you work in mysterious ways. Thank you for sending Mrs. H my way tonight!!! She called for a reason. She slowed my roll and helped me to think things thru before I totally went off.

Now... I'm off to relax. I'm going to soak in the tub, listen to some KEM, crawl in my soft and relaxing bed, sleep, and prepare for church in the morning! I'm also going to let God handle my worries, fears, and tests. I know he will take it up with the people who cross me along my journey to the next life.

28 April 2005

A GREAT TIME HAD

I have had a wonderful time for the past week. I have been shown how a man is to treat me, what qualities I want in a man, and that these men can be hard to come by. I'm glad that I had the chance to meet the man that I have kicked it with for the past week. He has helped me to realize exactly what it is I want with a man. I used to think about what I wanted, but I wasn't sure. Now I know. I deserve to be treated to dinner, I deserve for a man to prepare dinner for me, I deserve to be taken out on the town and treated with respect, I deserve to be a damn freak with the man of my dreams, and I deserve to be cuddled and caressed and feel wanted on a daily basis. I deserve to tell men NO if I am not feeling them or if they are a pathetic excuse for a man. Now that I have seen what I want and with whom I want it... all I can do is hope and pray that his life's journey will bring him back here so that we can work towards something more. If this does not happen, then at least I know what I want. I will never settle for less. If I cannot get it, I would rather be alone. Thanks, A, for a wonderful week! I hope our paths will cross again soon! Take Care and keep in touch!!! I already miss him. I cried myself to sleep last night, because of the unknown - not knowing if I will ever see him again and because I miss him being here with me. Well, I must get back to work. Will blog after work!

7:02pm
Work: all went well... except this ONE damn client of mine! I swear, if I could muzzle her ass to keep from hearing her complaints, I WOULD! She's always complaining about somedamnthing with our program. Today she complained about what day staff takes her and her peers to the bank and pharmacy. NEVER has this day changed! She wants it changed to a Thursday, BECAUSE of all the traffic tying them up from getting to the pharmacy! HELL... EVERYDAMNFRIDAY we sit at the bank for a total of 3 hours cuz they all have to go to different banks... the pharmacy is the shortest trip AND we take the back roads. She wanted to start arguing with me... I looked at her and said, "NOPE! WE'RE NOT CHANGING THE DAY. PERIOD." It's sad that I have to talk to a 50 something year old woman like that. But damn if she ain't crazy! Other than her complaining ass, I had a terrific day!

I got home, sat down to the computer, and there's a YM message from A. Made me grin from ear to ear. He made it safely to Cali and informed me that he misses me. Shit, I miss him too!!! HEY A, HURRY UP AND BRING YA ASS BACK!! LOL I'm glad he made it home safely. Hey, M, keep praying for us... cuz I want this dude!! heehee

I forgot that I had purchased hamburger meat earlier in the week. The sell by date was yesterday, but I was still freaking out, cuz I don't know how long hamburger should be kept. I had to call mama. She said it should be okay, because it's only a day past the sell by date and it still smells like hamburger meat! YES! I would have hated to have wasted all that meat AND money! NOT to mention I just wasted a package of hamburger meat last week and was PISSED about it!!! So... I'ma go make me some spaghetti, or hamburgers, or hamburger helper, or lasagna, or something with some damn hamburger in it!!! LOL

Not sure I'll blog anymore today... so... have a GREAT evening!

24 April 2005

It's Called INSTINCT

And I have a keen sense of smelling bullshitters! Do me a favor... so that I don't have to blast your ass... if you're full of shit... continue to walk into the direction of outfield... cuz that's where I'ma leave your ass - OUT! Don't bother to ask me for my number, don't bother to call me anymore, don't bother to waste MY time, because it's too damn precious! My time is limited on this BEAUTIFUL green Earth and I don't need a bullshitter coming into play in order to waste my time. So... with that said! Have a good day and all you bullshitters... have a GREAT life WITHOUT the females of my caliber!

21 April 2005

JUST BEAT IT

Life has it's ups and downs. We usually see the downs more than the ups. We always try to conquer the downs, but ya know what? Sometimes it's not meant to conquer the downs. Sometimes you are to swallow your pride, say fuck it, and learn from the downer. THEN, you allow the DOWNER to work it's way to become an UP in your life! You just gotta beat it! We always want to win, but you can't win if you do your best to take the easy way out over and over again!

Well, today, I took my first step towards becoming DEBT FREE! I went to visit a credit counselor and she brought so much relief my way. I found out that I don't owe as much as I thought I owe and that it can all be resolved! I have two options that I am contemplating using towards BEATING debt. 1. Contact all creditors to see if they will work with me in order to pay them off. 2. Find out which creditors will report credit consumer counseling help that will not work with me. 3. Use the consumer credit counseling services to help pay off my debt. I'm in the process of contacting some of the creditors to whom I owe money. I am relieved that if I cannot work this out on my own, that I can make a low monthly payment to the credit counseling service and that I will have all my creditors paid off within 2 years instead of trying to pay them for the rest of my damn life! I have decided that the people who I owe money to and that are NOT charging a financing fee will receive a small amount of money from me each month so that I will not have to have them aware of the fact, take less a chance of, them reporting me using credit counseling services to the credit bureau. So... we're on to the races, and this chick is gonna BEAT IT!

I also learned some things about Consumer Debt and The Law (take note):

How Far Can A Creditor Go To Collect?
A creditor can do any of the following:
Send you letters
Telephone you, but not at unusual times and not collect, unless you agree to accept the call
Talk to your family, employer, friends, or neighbors to locate you - but not to discuss your debt
Talk about your debt with anyone who has a valid busness need, such as a credit bureau
Call your employer to confirm your employment - but a creditor cannot call you at work if your employer does not allow such calls
Sue you or threaten to sue, in most cases.

A Creditor CANNOT:
Threaten to sue you if the creditor has no intention or right to sue
Garnish or threaten to garnish your wages (except for child support)

It Is Illegal for Creditors to:
Harass or threaten you, curse, or use dirty language
Use fake legal papers or pretend to be a lawyer or a government official
Tell you anything that is not true
Demand sexual favors
Ignore your request to stop contacting you, IF the person calling represents a collection agency
Contact you directly if you have a lawyer to represent you about the debt
Deposit a post-dated check early if the creditor agreed to hold it

BTW... why, when drivers are approaching a construction zone and they see that the speed limit sign changes from 65 to 45 do people continue to drive 80? AND why the hell aren't the cops around when these fuckers are driving like this?

Why the hell did I notice a DHL deliver van driving on a side highway next to I20 riding NEXT beside to my ass? I know the speed limit on that road could not have been more than 55, yet I was driving near 80. Hmmmmmmmm......

I'm going to watch Dr. Phil now!

19 April 2005

chance left for chance

Dang... why is it that every time I ward off men, they freakin' start coming out of the woodwork in full demand? Men are like Cockroaches... when you are for sure you don't have them and don't want them, here they come! LOL... LIKE they can SMELL when a female is fed up with men. So... I'm driving home from work last night and this older man holla's at me while we're stopped at a redlight. I'm working today and this FINE Ass man driving a Jeep jots down my number as we're stopped at a redlight. He was upset that I was working, because he wanted to take me to lunch! LOL Sweetheart, call me, and we'll set up a date! I wake up this morning and I have an IM from a soldier just returning to the states from Iraq asking to take me to dinner sometime this week, BECAUSE he will be in Augusta and wants to meet me. So, I'm here waiting for my panties to dry and am getting ready for a dinner date. It's gonna be casual. We're going to a sports bar west of my location. I'm looking forward to it. I need some fun in my life. No matter how many men fuck me over, I will always have many more looking to take the fucked one's place. I've got a lot of admirers. I am never lacking in the man department... I definitely have my pick of the pack... AND what I really love is that I never hunt them... they always come to me! So... I'ma finish getting ready for my "date".

BUT

Before I leave...

You ever just get sick and tired of work/your job? I am thru. I'm looking at radiology courses at Midlands Tech. I need more money and going back to get my Masters in Psychology AIN'T gonna do it for me. Has anyone heard about the lottery paying for one's education in radiology at a tech school? I heard it for the first time today. Am interested in learning more! Guess I'll be doing my research!

Hey Mai...
why can't we ward off men? How come our scents continue to bring them in no matter how many times we've been hurt? Are we just that damn giving of ourselves and NOT bitter? Thank God we aren't and thank God that God continues to allow us to attract men of all types in order to find our match!!!

18 April 2005

WHY?

Do people pop their gum while they are chewing? I was sitting at a redlight today, looked to my left, and here's this chick chewing the hell out of some gum! AND, the way she was chewing it... I could just hear her popping it left and right. LOL Took me back to last week at work. I was sitting at my desk concentrating on some work and my coworker, sitting 10 feet away, was just popping her gum left and damn right. It's bad enough that our quarters are so close that it's like we're piled on top of each other, but then to have to bear this chick popping her gum in these quarters. On the inside I was yelling and screaming like a Muthafucka! BUT... I kept my cool on the outside. I finished my work, quickly, and left for lunch. Holy cow! I Just KNEW I was going to curse her out! DAMN! So... I'm watching this chick pop her gum while she's sitting in her car and it irked the hell out of me. It's a new pet peeve! I despise gum popping!!! LOL

I went to bed at 5:30 yesterday afternoon, JUST TO TAKE A NAP, because my life lately has taken a lot of energy from me. I didn't wake up till 3AM... all my lights were on, my sliding glass door was open, and I was pissed, because I was supposed to call someone at 7:30 to give the okay on coming over. I guess I was really tired. I went back to bed and woke up at 7:30 this morning. Then I found out, as I called the person I was supposed to contact last night, that I had slept with my front door unlocked all night! What an idiot! If someone wanted to come and kill me, sorry, last night was ya night! IT will NEVER happen again! LOL

Work went well, but I am so close to burn out. I am looking at radiology courses at a technical college here in Columbia. 1. I need MORE money 2. I need MORE money 3 and 4. I NEED MORE MONEY!!! So... back to school I go... it'll be either to get my masters or change my profession totally. Either will take 2 years. I can go to school for radiology and not have to take the GRE and be done in 2 years ORRRRRRRRRRRR I can take the GRE and go to school for 2 years to get my masters and only get paid 35k a year.... Hmmm... sounding like Radiology will be the way to go!

As far as men go... I'm taking time for me. Like my friend Mai was saying today... every time I decide to stay single for a while, here comes a "nice" man wanting to date me. LOL... Mai, we shouldn't be so damn attractive to be bringing in the men the way we do! LOL Seriously, I'm considering warding off men for a month or so just to take care of me!

17 April 2005

JUST DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING

Ok... so I went to visit D and to see how things would go. Let's just say.... a man who makes more money than me, invites me to come see him and take me out, and expects me to pay is not for me. I could understand if I had thrown out ideas for a night on the town, THEN, HELL YES... I would have paid... However... well... let me start from earlier in the day.

D calls me around 5am as he comes in from the club. I slept through the phone call. I woke up and there is an IM from him asking me to call him when I wake up. I do so. He seems and claims to be excited about seeing me and is looking forward to spending time with me, as I was towards him. So, I have my nephew with me and we're getting ready to go to South Carolina's Garnet and Black spring football game. I told D I would call him after the game. D calls and we're talking while I'm tailgating (eating and drinking out the back of my car). I'm like, WOW, he really is excited about seeing me... which makes me even more excited about seeing him. So... I'm off to find a seat on the 50 yard line and low, cuz damnit, I don't get those seats during the year... some rich fuck does! LOL I tell D I'ma hit him up after tha game so he'll know what time I'ma be leaving.

OK... so the game is over *I saw G, and damn, he was looking good! I love that MOFO! LOL" and we're off to my house in order to pack my nephew's stuff so I can take him home. As we exit the vehicle, all I hear is "shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"... air is leaking out of my left rear damn tire. So, immediately, I know I gotta go to Firestone to get this muthafucking tire plugged so I can hit the road to go see D. I find another way to get my nephew home, cuz I didn' t know how long it would take to fix the tire. I'm sitting at Firestone thinking all I'ma need is the tire plugged, pumped up, and I'ma be on my happy way! LOL... NOT FOR ME! I ended up having to purchase TWO new tires. The one leaking air... some muthafucka stuck a pair of tweezers in my damn tire. OH... you best believe I'ma find out who! I got the damn tweezers. The other tire was bald and needed replacing. So, I call D to tell him I'm buying two new tires and that I'll call him when I'm done at Firestone. Well... I ended up spending a lil over 300, not just for tires, people... other things too! LOL

Now I'm on the road to see D... got about an hour and a half ride. First thing... I miss my exit so I had to go all the damn way to Spartanburg to hit 85 to go to Anderson. I'm like, fuck it... lemme call my boy and see him real quick since I'm in the area. Damn, Worm... you looking FINE AS EVA!!! That damn girl betta be glad she has you, cuz you know I'd snatch ya ass up with the quickness! LOL I ended up getting to D around 9:30pm. I left Columbia at 6:30. Ok, people, let's remember I spent over 300 at Firestone, 30 on gas, and been at a football game, not to mention the wear and tear on the my car. We drive BACK to Greenville, not that we had too, we chose to, in my vehicle (more gas, more wear and tear) to eat with his brother and whoeva the chick was with his brother. As we were waiting on the ticket, he rubs his fingers together like he's asking me for money. I'm like, WTF? I told him as soon as the bill arrived, we'd split it. Fuck that, ladies, if a man don't wanna pay for me, I wanna see what the fuck I owe and I'll pay for mydamnself! He says, "I'll get dinner, cuz it'll be more expensive, and you can get the movie." Whateva dude.... at this point, I'm already spending more money on this trip than he's even thinking of spending. Well, I had 12 dollaz, NOT enuf for two evening movie tickets. He gets pissed, slams a twenty down, and snatches my money from me. Ok... that's cool... I told him that I didn't remember him being so damn cheap. LOL Sorry, I just lost it for a moment. LOL However, I am worthy of a man paying for our date that HE has planned, ya know? I let it go and enjoyed the movie (Amityville remake)- it was okay- definitely scary. So... after he slammed his twenty down, he stated, "I'm not getting a room. We can just sleep on the couch at my dad's." I'm like... WTF?!?! YOU JUST told me that after you purchase this notebook you gonna have $500 left over and you get paid next week. Now I am supposed to share a small ass sofa with you? LMAO, SMH. We drove BACK to Anderson after the movie (more gas, more wear and tear) and arrived to his pop's place. Remember, he's home for R&R from Germany. So... I'm already uncomfortable, because 1. what I was expecting was not occuring (when we hugged the first time, it was half assed) 2. I'm going to be sleeping in a strange house. Well, we ended up sleeping in his sister's bedroom, because she was not home. HOW MUCH MORE UNCOMFORTABLE COULD ONE BE??? I'm trying to talk to him as we're lying there, but he's just not communicating. I'm in the bed fully clothed... didn't know that would piss him off! LOL Woke up the next morning and he states, "Didn't know you'd sleep with all your clothes on. I thought you slept nude." Well, I do, but dayum... not in an uncomfortable environment. So... we're sitting in the living room, he's on the computer, I'm watching television. I finally decide I'ma leave after an hour of NOTHING. I'm standing at the door and he's standing 10 feet away from me. I told him to come give me a hug and stop being shady. LOL... He, again, gives me a half assed hug and tells me I'm the one being shady. I'm like, HOW? He said, "I don't have time to talk about it. I gotta go get ready. However, I will tell you this... If I had known that last night was going to be weird like it was, I would have done something else." Man... I can't even lie... I was HURT. So, I stated, "Yup, me too." Turned around, shut the door, and left. ALL THAT MONEY I COULD STILL HAVE FROM GAS AND THE MOVIES! It's all good tho... now I know what happened and now I know that men in your past are in your past for a reason. Nope... I don't know what the hell happened between the time I left Columbia, to the time I arrived in Anderson. BUT... I am glad I slept with my clothes on!!!

Now I'm back in Columbia, trying to figure outhow to make the little bit of money I have left last for the next two weeks.

AND... ya know what? I have also thought about my post about Z. NO, I am not going to delete it... but I am going to elaborate on the angry thing. I should not have gotten so angry to the point to where I blasted him the way I did. Anger is a sign of weakness... it definitely made me stronger and I'm glad I let it out of my system, but I should have kept it between the two of us. For that, Z, I do apologize. However, I still don't wanna be ya friend. God does not want us to be angry... it's for the devil... so... I am apologizing for my behaviors over the past couple of days. I'm over it now and am definitely moving forward. I can't say that it, out of control anger, will not happen again, because I don't know. I am keeping the post up as a reminder to me and everyone else of how anger can affect one's life.

16 April 2005

FRIENDS VS ENEMIES (per a post in my last blog)

Friend: one attached to another by affection or esteem,
Acquaintance: a person whom one knows but who is not a particularly close friend
Enemy: one seeking to injure, overthrow, or confound an opponent

OK... choose a definition. Yup, I was attached to Z. Nope, I didn't consider him a close friend. Yup, I was angry last night, and still am some what, and was looking to hurt him. Ohdamnwell... I'm sure Z understands from having all the female friends he has, and by having a female cousin AND a sister, how females behave when a DAMN man fucks up, AFTER he's been asked to NOT lie to someone. Well, he lied... and, ya know what? This is my blog... I can express myself as I please. Nope... I no longer consider Z a friend. Yup... I let people burn their own bridge, and he did. A FRIENDSHIP is something I treasure. If you can't keep it REAL... well... damn... u NOT gonna be my friend NOR my acquaintance. I don't consider Z an enemy either. God, yes, God knows we all accrue enemies. And ya know what? I don't know Z well enuf to consider him my enemy. I consider him someone from whom I have distanced myself. And ya know what? Z, I will send you the money for the refrigerant you purchased for me. One day, I'm sure I will forgive Z, but I do know that I will no longer talk with him. I wish Z all the best. Again, Z, use ya head, the one on your shoulders, and think before you act. No, I don't think you're a dog... just a lil STUPID!

Well... I will blog later! I have a football game and some drinking to go do!

Later folks!

15 April 2005

WHAT A FUCKER~! AND DAYUM! D RETURNS

Yeah, Z,
You fucked up, ROYALLY! And, yes, I'm hurt, but you know what? You did nothing but make me so much stronger~! I'll forgive you one day, but today ain't the day. I really don't care what happens between you and Jabriel. I honestly hope that she comes to despise your ass as I have and leaves your ass alone for the restofyadamnlyfe. Remember, lying gets you nowhere BUT left field! AND remember what I told you before... women will respect you MORE if you're real with them! You're such a lying ass fuck! But it's okay... You have taught me once again not to trust a man, PERIOD, even if he is just ya damn friend! Yeah, I know not all men are like you... yup, I know this. BUT GOTDAYUM! I am sick and tired of being proven wrong when I give you muthafuckas the benefit of the damn doubt! from this day on... that thick ass metal wall will remain around my heart in order to protect myself from men... that is UNTIL that ONE MAN, not a fucking BOY, a fucking MAN, shows me that he has the key to unlock the chains around the metal wall. Z, I hope Jabriel NEVER forgives your ass and I hope she gives you straight HELL! KARMA IS A MUTHAFUCKA! Grow up Zavvan!

MOVING ON!!!

One good thing has come from alla this. I got a note on blackplanet a few days back from this FINE ass man asking me why I looked so damn familiar! I returned his note and told him he looked real familiar too! The more I looked at him, the more I started thinking it was this dude that I used to talk to when I was in college. LOL... turns out, he is the man I used to kick it with on the regular when I was in college! It's a small world! He's in the states until Sunday and has asked to see me before he returns to Germany. He stated what I was thinking while we were chatting on the phone, "Things happen for a reason. It's not just a coincidence." Okay... not a direct quote... but that was the gest of the comment. God has obviously reunited Darryl and me for a reason. DAMN, D, you are still looking DAMN good!!! And thank you for your compliment! Of course, I'm wondering why D really wants to see me. Is it just for booty? Does he really wanna know the present Ashley? Hell, he did ask me to come watch a movie with him Saturday night... IN A MOVIE THEATER! HELLO! ALL YOU PUNKS OUT THERE... THAT WOULD BE A DATE! THAT WOULD MEAN THAT A REAL MAN HAS ASKED ME OUT! HMMM... Hey, Mai... does that mean he's into me??? LOL Well, being the risk taker I am... I am going to see him before he returns to Germany. Yup... I'ma be real damn cautious, but I'ma definitely have fun! Darryl and I used to have so much fun together: the club (Characters), chilling at the house watching movies, visiting KPac, and all that other fun shit we used to do. We were pretty tight, until... well... you know. BUT we gonna leave that in the past. Hopefully, that's in your past too. I'm looking forward to becomeing reaquainted. When you leave on Sunday, you best keep in touch! It won't be long till you come back to the states!!!

FYI... I went grocery shopping yesterday and one of the baggers did something very special for me! I had bought some sugar (koolaid, sweet tea, spaghetti, etc) and when the bagger was putting my sugar in the grocery bag, he noticed that the bag had a slit in it. He told me he was going to get me another bag of sugar due to the slit in the bag. I was like... awwwww... he took the time to do his job, professionally, and DAMN he cute! LOL I thanked the guy, like I should have. I left the grocery store with a full bag of sugar and was really touched by the guy's thoughtfulness! Ladies, and gents, don't take ya grocery baggers for granted!

Well, it's the weekend! I have had my share of drama for the year! Thanks Z! I prefer to keep my drama at level ZERO. So... just a reminder... don't bring yaself towards me if you got any KINDA drama with your punk ass!

MINUTES LATER... THA FUCKER ASKS ME TO LEAVE HIS FULL NAME OUT OF IT! lmao... LIKE EVERYONE AIN'T GONNA KNOW WHO I'M REFERING TO BY Z! OH... DOES SHE KNOW YOU CALL YOURSELF ZAVVAN OR JUST NAVII?

13 April 2005

Men... are you Fucking serious?

Holy Fucking Shit! Do you seriously believe that we women have not heard everydamnline? Well... women in their upper 20s who have been dealing with playas for the past 13 years! AND I was a playa! DAMN!!! I'm one of those women that... well... nevamind... can't give away my secrets. HEEHEE... anywho! Men... learn how to think before you act/speak/even think! Seriously... cuz what's gonna happen? OH... I'ma confront ya ass about YOUR fuck up, then I'ma leave it alone and dissect your fuckup... THEN... oh yeah... I'ma let your STUPID ass have it! Be cautious of what you say... especially AFTER you have JUST met me and it hasn't been months after our FIRST meeting. It's okay, Z... I forgive you, but damn... next time THINK! MEN... seriously... c'mon... you were blessed with a brain for a reason. AND... for realz... IF you gonna try to be a playa... be SMART about it! Use tact and brains! Seriously... if you want playa lessons, take them from a retired playa/pimp (ME). I can help you get more females than you would EVA believe you could have! I have the ability to juggle more than ONE relationship and NO one would EVA find out, because I am that damn smart!!! LOL However, I am past that point in my life. I am looking for that one man to settle down with... BUT... Ya know what? The fucker hasn't shown in 28 years... who's to say he's gonna show anytime soon? In the meantime... I'ma leave it up to God... my number ONE!

I've been in a FUNK all day and when I came home on lunch and checked someone's blog... it dug my funk deeper and FOUL! I called my ex... who is now one of my best friends EVER!!! LOVE YOU KAMAL! and it took HIM to place a smile upon my face. He reminded me of what a blessing I really am and that it really is going to take a special man to be able to handle me. No, I am not a difficult person... I am a rare breed. I am one of the MOST understanding and patient women you will EVER meet! No, I don't get jealous... I support the man meeting other females... SHIT... he gonna do it whether I like it or not! However... I make it understood that if this man wants to move on to someone else to not leave me in the dark! I KNOW ALL THE DAMN GAMES! I've played them and have had them played on me! Like Dr. Dre said, "Been there, Done that!" And, oh yes... your behavior changes when you lie to someone and sneak around. Ladies... beware... if ya man's behavior changes... Pack his shit or gather yours and get the hell out of the city before HELL becomes your living room! And it's not important to have answers. The answers are only going to piss you off more, because more than likely... he is NOT going to give you any. The BEST thing you could ever do, WOMEN, is to move on to the next man and allow your sexy, fabulous self to be admired, served, loved, and caressed by a REAL man who does want you and only you!

So... I went to church. Yes, Kamal, I made it! AND I told you that it would put me in a better mood!!! Singing, fellowship, and praising the Lord really improved my mood! It's just something special about our Lord that brings so much happiness! It's really sad that everyone does not have a relationship with him! Anywhoo... just wanted everyone to know that I am feeling better and that I am starting to move out of my male bashing mode. LOL... it ain't gone yet! Men still suck ass!

HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU

WOMEN!
Have you ever wondered why men tend to lead women on instead of just being straight to the point and telling them, "Hey... you ain't the one sweetheart!" I've been told it's because a man may view you as a potential mate, but just isn't sure. SCREW that... MEN... if we meet and u are NOT feeling me like that... BE REAL and tell me! Don't have me thinking on the regular that I may get to have something more down the line with you! I get sick and tired of hearing these damn males yelling about wanting a REAL female and when they get one, they don't know how to be REAL themdamnselves! My boy was right the other night... I need to take some time out for me! Screw everybody else!

Yup... I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today and so far... not one smile has cracked along my face YET! All I want to do is go back to bed, BUT... duty calls... ya gots to work to pay dem billz! I'm sure my day will get better! I'm just glad that God helps me to see what a man is about within a month so that I can move on if the man ain't bout SHIT. Seriously, MEN... keep it real. Women will respect you MORE for telling them what the REAL deal is! We may not like it, but damnit... we're going to respect you a whole lot more for being up front with us! No one likes to waste their time and energy on someone who is not interested in them... so.. Men... do us women a favor... don't waste our time and don't allow us to waste our energy upon you if you don't want us!

I suggest to all women that they read HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. It'll help you to cut out a lot of bullshittinass men from ya life!

06 April 2005

Enlightenment

Once again, I arrived to work LATE! 2o minutes to be exact. AND... one of my coworkers that I have become friends with shows up at the same time. THEN... my boss is in the parking lot... so I'm already thinking... this does NOT look good. Well, he just looks at us and I can already see his face with a look of dislike. So, I go in and start my day. Later in the afternoon, after all have left to go out into the field, my boss asks me, "Are you the only one here?" I said, "Yes." Boss: "There are two things I want to discuss with you. First of all, your notes (which I have to write to bill for my clients) look great! GREAT BILL TIME! You write the best notes out of everyone." At this point in time, I'm thinking, "Okay, there's the compliment. What's next?" Boss: "Were you just arriving to work when I saw you in the parking lot?" Me: grinning I said, "yes." Boss: "Just be careful. Try to arrive to work on time. No one is complaining yet, but if they do, I'll have to take action." Okay! I get the point!!! I will be on time if I have to get the fuck up at 7am. The rest of my day was boring. The clients I needed to meet with were NOT home at all.. so... I did not get a lot of billing done today. So... I sit in a client's driveway all afternoon, because she's not home and I talk on my cellie all afternoon! LOL I billed 4 clients all day. Oh well... Ever heard of bragging on someone too soon? I swear... it's a curse to brag on someone! LOL

Wednesday nights I have choir rehearsal at church. It's always uplifting and takes so much weight off my shoulders! Not to mention that singing is GREAT exercise! My older sis and her family are part of the church too. She sings with the choir as well. However, she has not been present, because she was diagnosed with cancer three weeks ago and had two tumors removed from her brain. She started Chemotherapy and Radiation last week. Choir is beginning and in walks my sister. The entire choir breaks into applause. It was so breathtaking to see how much everyone loves my sister and how supportive they are of her. It almost made me cry. Towards the end of choir we had our usual devotional. And I finally learned exactly why Jesus was the one to die for our sins. No human could remain as pure as Jesus remained. Because of a human's lack of impurity, Jesus was the only pure soul that was able to die for ALL of our sins! I knew he died for our sins, but I never knew exactly why! WOW! One person to take on every sin each person has commited in the world! That's a HEAVY load! Just sit, think about it, and let it marinate. WOW!

Now I am home, awaiting my company for the next two days. I'm anxious to see him. He told me after he hit the road that he was nervous. That's a good sign! Earlier in the day he had the whole thing planned out and was confident about meeting, because we have seen each other's pics. LOL Real life is so different! I'm hoping he'll be as cute as he is in the pictures and that we'll mesh well together in person as we do on the telephone. Geesh... we talk forever on the phone. It's great!!!

05 April 2005

double blog for tha day

I know what I want as far as my love life goes. I just haven't found him yet. I come to think I have found him, then he just aggravates the hell out of me.

I started talking on the phone with someone last week. The conversation is great, but the distance is greater. I've done LD relationships before, BUT... he couldn't be loyal. You got it! The fucker cheated. AND... I was seeing him everydamnweekend! So, the loser is gone. Back to the dude I've been speaking with on a daily basis. The conversation is great, his pics are cute, but I do wonder if he might rush things. That is one thing I have learned! You cannot RUSH a relationship. You have to let it form, but work at forming it. This guy is totally feeling me and is making plans for upcoming months. We have yet to meet, so he kinda scares me, but all the planning excites me too. So... I'm just gonna sit back and enjoy the ride. He's talking about coming to meet me sometime this week on one of his off days from work. We'll see. Have had many a man tell me they were coming to meet me and I have YET to meet them. lol

I still believe that when I meet Mr. Right... I'ma know. How am I gonna know? I believe I will never want for anything BUT him. This means that I believe I will not search for anything with another man nor will I long after another man.

no title, just stuff

I don't know why I can't make it on time to work! I get up earlier and earlier everyday and still can't get to work on time! I leave on time and still can't get there ON TIME! DAMN! And my boss made reference to it during a meeting today. LOL He was grinning and laughing about it, but it's the point that he made reference to it. It's not that I don't like my job or that I don't wanna be on time... it's that it seems to just not be in the cards I'm dealt. Oh well... I guess when I am on time, my boss will be totally impressed! LOL It would really suck to be fired cuz I couldn't get to work on time. How embarrassing! LOL

My weekend went pretty well! I got to meet someone I've been waiting to meet for a couple of months. He's such a cutie! Pretty affectionate too! There was no kissing though... that was odd. But, it's ok. He left some DVD's behind... so I hope that means I'll either get to go visit him to spend MORE time with him or that he'll be coming back here to see me again. I don't know. Men are difficult to read, so I have just learned to let things happen and have fun in the meantime. This guy that visited... he helped me with my AC in the truck! He taught me a lot about my truck too! What kind of coolant my truck should use... guess I shoulda been able to read all the stickers posted under the hood, hunh? He also taught me how to put refrigerant in the car AND how to read the gauge. I love learning new things... especially about my vehicle! Thanks cuteness!!!

It's warming up outside and I have that spring fever bug! Every morning I dread going to work cuz I would rather be outside somewhere in a park or walking or just doing nothing but being outside. Guess I'll have to make the most out of my weekends now! Aight... my stomach is growling... time for dinner!