This Woman's Worth

26 February 2006


I know that this news is old with Dick Cheney shooting his friend.


I was watching Surviving The Game last night. You know the movie where the hunters, who are fucking insane, are hunting Ice T!!!

How do we know that the VP isn't into that type of shit and is so old, that he needed an easy target?


I'm just saying...

It coulda happened that way!

21 February 2006

My Special Day

29 years ago, My mom gave birth to a healthy and beautimous baby girl. I was one of those cute chunky babies, whose arms looked like lil sausage links.

I was the first baby to be born healthy, but we won't get into alla that, because it's MY birthday!She named the girl, Elizabeth Ashley Bolton. She had planned to call me Beth, but one of my uncles had adopted a little girl and decided to call her Beth, so I'm called Ashley.

I was a heavy ass baby... I weighed 8lbs 12oz. Isn't it amazing what a woman can push out of herself? Don't ask me how long I was, cuz I don't know.I know I stand 5'5" today, so I wasn't very long.

I've been told that as a baby, and even today, that when someone wanted to hold me, they definitely HELD me. I gave them ALL of me to hold. I didn't volunteer to uphold ANY of my weight and when people held me, I was like a sack of bricks. There were also times where NO ONE wanted to change my diapers. Everyone would pass me over to the next person when I had a smelly diaper. I guess my poops didn't smell like roses.As this baby grew to become an adult, she drove her parents crazy during the teen years, but made them proud as she graduated high school and college.

This baby is still finding her way in the world. People are her strengths. She loves meeting new people and learning from those who surround her. She learns something new everyday.She meets someone new everyday and experiences something new everyday and she LOVES IT! She thrives on all the newness!Will you get to meet this wonderful, loving, sweet, and caring person... who can also be a bitch? HAHA... I had to put that in there, cuz if I don't, my younger sis will!

Anyways... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!

*In my best 50 cent voice*

18 February 2006



My truck had to go to the doctor last week. I dropped off my baby on Monday at lunchtime, hoping he'd be back with me by the end of the week so that I could head to ATL for my birthday. Thursday came around, and I hadn't heard any thing, so I called the mechanic. They had just gotten my boo up in the garage and wanted me to call Friday. I called Friday and today.

Obviously, I'm at home, stranded with no transportation and am yearning for some damn fried chicken. The only groceries I have in my house are canned veggies and some pasta. I don't want any of that. Not only am I fucking hungry, but my fucking birthday came crashing down with the fact that my baby is gonna cost me some money and won't be back with me until midweek next week AND my damn cellphone bill is

I'm broke. I won't be traveling any.damn.where for the next three months.

I'm getting a huge refund from my taxes, I gotta have something when I get to the age for retirement! Shit... my parents are collecting social security in the next 3 years, but my ass will probably NEVER see that shit!!! All that money that comes outta my check for that shit, and I'll never see it again. That sucks!

So... anywho... the fucking phone bill.

I'ma owe on it for two months. Remember that muthafucka from the previous post that was so damn arrogant and self-centered? The bill ran up to over 600damndollas thanks to his talkative skinny, 35 yearold looking like he 50 years old, stingy, calling himself rich ass. Yeah, I'm pissed. And I wish there was a way I could make him pay half the damn bill. Hell. He knows I'm poor... he made a fucking reference to my financial status. LMAO

So... I'm broke, and the car is in the shop. The mechanic told me today that he thinks the time has run out on it. LMAO. I'm sitting on my bed thinking, "NO SHIT SHERLOCK! The waterhose has been replaced, the steering column repaired, and all kinds of other shit. That bitch wants to die and go to dump heaven!" So... the technician that specializes in giving the vehicle MORE... lol.. time doesn't work on Saturdays. He'll be in on Monday. So... I'm still stranded in my fucking apartment!

I called my younger sister who lives right.around.the.corner from me and requested that she drive me to walmart so I could get everything I Need. NOT WANT... NEED! Ka, my cat, needs cat food and kitty litter. I... I need food! I called her first thing this morning and she said she would take me, but that she was planning on hanging, not working, at the gym. She works at the gym as a sales rep. I'm like... ok... well... when you're done working out, call me. 4pm and she telephones me to tell me that she has to shower and get dressed for a dinner party. Okay. I ask what time her dinner party is and she dances all around giving me a fucking answer. I'm like, dude... I don't have transportation or you could bet.your.ass that I Meanwhile, she changes the subject and starts spilling her anxiety ridden thoughts about going to the gynecologist for the first time on Friday. She's 28.

I told her... look... we don't have time to waste if you have plans for the evening.

Her: Okay, I'll take you to the store, but I'm not taking you to walmart, because it's crazy out there.

Me: That's where I need to go.

Her: I'm not taking you there.

Me: Fine. don't worry about taking me anywhere. *I'm pissed by the way b/cuz I been waiting on her self-centered ass all damn day* I'll find another way to get there. Thanks for nothing.

I hung up on her. Gave her a taste of her own medicine. When shit don't go her way, she hangs up on people. She gets on my last damn nerve. I love her, but damn... she's so fucking self-centered. And I bet that's her calling now... lmao... brb...

Yup! That was her and, nope, I didn't answer it. I want her to know how it feels to be treated like she treats her family. She does me, dad, and mom like this. It's got to stop.

Anywho.... so... I ended up having to order a pizza, because as I thumbed thru my telephone to see if I have any friends that would be willing to transport me to the store... there was only one. And she's at work today, but she offered to drive me yesterday. I couldn't go, because I had volunteered to babysit my sick niece yesterday.

So... I can't wait to get my car back so I can go to the store and get me and my cat some food!

And... I'm going thru my phone, again... deleting people who aren't reliable.

Friends! How many of us have them?


Can I have a sister who is willing to cancel unimportant plans so that she can help her family? DAMN!

LIke I was going to take!

It takes me an hour to shop for groceries. I make a list, and I know where to find every.damn.thing.


I'm so fucking frustrated!

Married men and the internet. Why are your wives calling me?

12 February 2006


First of all, let me say that all men aren't men with balls. Not every man has the balls to talk to a woman he is attracted to OR not attracted to. And every man definitely does not have the balls to end a relationship maturely.

Last Saturday night I met someone I had been talking to on the phone, regularly, for a while. He drove up from Georgia and we hung out and seemed to have a decent time with one another. Although, I was not physically attracted to him, I was attracted to him, because I KNEW him. When he left, we decided to start a monogamous relationship.

I was real excited! Here I am thinking... this dude is really feeling me AND he wants to be with only me!

lmao... yeah right. He proved to be like every other damn man I've come across. BUT, he was worse. He was the same in that he wanted me to stay with him IF he made a mistake and cheated on me. LMAO... the way he talked about that... well... we'll get to that.

The first WRONG thing outta his mouth was about my weight. Due to him being Mr. Tr*ckm*st*r records, he's used to dating/fucking/watevering models, and he had the doubt that he might not be attracted to me because of my weight. I told him, "I'm not a model. And I know that you are used to skinny minnies or thin women with ass. I'm bigger than what you are used to. I'm a thick mama, and if you aren't attracted to that, let's move on and not waste each others' time."

HIM: "No, sweetheart. You're fat. It just hasn't gotten too bad yet."

ME: mouth gaped open in surprise... then laughing... "That's cool. At least you're honest."

At this moment, Im on fire. lol... I'm not skinny, but I promise I'm not fat either. I'm 5'5" and weigh around 190lbs. Most of the weight is carried in my DDD tiddies and my size 16 thighs and hips. But, everyone has their preferences.

So... after we meet Saturday night... I learn he's insecure.

Honesty really doesn't get you anywhere. Or at least, that's what I'm told, but I choose to be honest anyway... and I'm really starting to believe it got me somewhere.

I informed him, because he asked, when the last time it was I had sex. And, no, I'm not telling you nosy bamas. From there, I could just feel the insecurity. AND... every time we talked via telephone, he reminded me that he is insecure: "How do I know that when I'm away, you aren't going to want dick from this man?" Ya'll, I did everything I could, DAILY, to reassure this man that I was really feeling him, despite his "honesty" towards me, in order to make sure he knew that I would NOT seek sexual favors elsewhere! WTF But, by Thursday, I was tired of having to reassure him over and over and over and over and over again. And I told him, "Look, if this relationship is going to work, you're going to have to get over this insecurity thing with wateva it is, because I'm already getting sick of this shit."

THEN... this muthafucka tried to reverse the insecurity role! He decided to question me about my loyalty to my man! His question, "If I made a mistake and slept with someone, would you leave me?" WTF?

I'm immediately thinking... this mofo either HAS already slept with someone else OR he plans to sleep with someone else! Who asks somebody this shit? I told him flat out... if you cheat on me, I'm out. If you cheat on me, you show me that I'm not enough for you and that you're weak. You show me that you cannot commit to a woman ever. You show me that you're not loyal.

He says, "So, 10 years from now, if I make that mistake, you're just going to walk out on me and everything we have?"

Whoa dude... u just changed the entire situation. I don't know what I would do 10 years from now, but I'm not even promised tomorrow. Right now, I'm focused on the present and on us showing each other that we will be true to one another. We're building a foundation right now. And if you cheat on me during this phase, I'm leaving your ass. I told him all of that.

He starts talking about how all men cheat and that how a woman with heart stays with her man, no matter what. Sorry, I'd rather be alone than sitting at home wondering what the fuck you're out there doing.

Then he returns to his insecurity with me and the dude I last had sex with... I say nothing.

THEN he says, "I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship like this, Ashley."

Shit, me either. I don't want to have to reassure you EVERYDAMN DAY!

Then it clicked: People who are usually concerned with what the other person is doing is usually the one doing the dirt.

I didn't say anything.

He continued to call my mind feeble, because I refuse to believe EVERY man cheats on his wife... called me stupid for thinking that a man who is my friend doesn't want pussy... which isn't what I think at all. Talked mad shit about my friends. Reminded me that I'm fat and not his usual flavor.

He had the nerve to tell me that if he took me to the studio with him, his boys would laugh at me, because I'm fat and not his type. He said he would have to stand up for me over and over again,because they would be laughing and talking shit. You aren't my type. You're poor. Hell, you're one paycheck short of becoming homeless.

Ya know what? Then and there, I realized that I don't need a man who feels he has to belittle me and make me think that no other man is going to want me or be honest with me.

He had the nerve to tell me, "Ashley, sweetheart, if we break up, you're going to want to run back to me. Why? Because you're going to realize that you really had it good with me... You're going to realize that D*rtt*n was that mofo who was honest with you about everything! Ain't no other man going to be as honest as I am to you. You're going to come crying back to me."

Man, I laughed. I couldn't help it. My psychology degree kicked in. This mofo is seriously displaying delusions of grandeur! I bet his ass thinks he's some kind of god too!

So... he said he was going to come see me Saturday night, I was like, wateva. You already stood me up Monday and Tuesday night, so I'm really not expecting you to show up Saturday night. He told me that he had more patients to see Mon and Tues and that he would not be able to see me until the weekend. I didn't bitch or complian, I accepted it for what it was and was just going to let him do his thing. This way, I could see whether or not he was really into me.

Last night, Saturday night, he was supposed to be here around 7pm. I talked to him briefly Friday morning, and I called him on my lunch break, but had to leave a message. He has not returned my call since. And, he made it clear that he doesn't like a female who calls him all the time and can't wait for him to return her call... so... I showed him I'm not that type of female. Saturday rolled around... still hadn't heard from him. I'm not going to call him... why? I don't know... I was high Friday night and all day Saturday. So, 7:20pm rolled around and still nothing. So, I text'd him to ask him if he was still coming. Honestly, I didn't care if he showed or not. At 9:26pm, I received a return text saying, "I didn't hear from you all day Friday or today. No, I'm not coming. And I'm really not feeling this relationship anymore." I'm like, wat relationship? It's all about you, not us.

I text him back, "I had a feeling you weren't truly interested. You seem to have been trying to sabotage this relationship since day one. If you weren't feeling me, that's all you had to say."

His response: "That's why I'm ending this relationship now."

That's it. Chicken shit ended our whateva kind of relationship it was through a text message. And just in time too. I'm sure he wouldn't feel safe with me traveling to see my male best friend in ATL for my birthday weekend. LOL

I hope he will seek professional counseling, cuz I think he really needs it. I don't think he can trust a female, because of the lifestyle he lived for 16 years. He never tried to be in a committed relationship, and it seems like he doesn't know how to make a relationship work OR how to treat a REAL woman.

OH! And let me tell you how he was ready to stop talking to me on the day that we had our first conversation! He learned that I was an aggressive woman and that I was not going to let him talk to me any kinda way... His response to me setting him straight: "I don't want a black woman trapped in a white woman's body. I prefer white women. If I wanted a black woman, I'd go get one." WTF? Dude, I'm just being me. If you don't want an aggressive female, go find a stupid one.

Man... what a lesson learned.

Patience... never rush anything! If it's being rushed, it's not good for you. Even if you look over the bullshit.

I forgot to mention earlier that his last text to me said this: "Thank you for showing me that all women are alike. I just gave your Valentine to the girls in the mall."

I still didn't respond.

11 February 2006

How High

I should have typed this last night during the actual incident. However, I couldn't coordinate my legs to work together and it was madd difficult to hold up my head. So... You'll get the after affects AND the together me typing the actions of last night's incident.

My homeboy, Mr. Wright, decided to come visit last night from a city 2 hours away from me. We've known each other for 10 years, old college buds (no pun intended). I was talking to him via phone about this muthafucka I met and he came out with, "I'm coming down there this evening and we're gonna get right." I was like, "Cool!" Man, I haven't seen my homeboy in... well... to spend some QT with... in 4 years. I saw him briefly while traveling through his city on my way to see my ex last year. I must say... Mr. Wright is STILL looking MIGHTY RIGHT!~ I love having attractive male friends! When we go out together, females trip. I'm like, damn, you can get at him, hoe, we just kool. But, anywho...

So he and his homeboy swung thru around 9ish and it felt like old times, again. We reminisced about the good ole college days: smoking between classes, the clubs we went to, the different people we dated, etc. Then he pulled it out.

Wait wait wait. Before you muthafuckas go gettin' all like... he pulled THAT out? No... he did not. Can a female write a story without you people putting ya damn brains all in the gutter? How many things can someone be talking about when someone says, "He pulled it out." Hmmm... we could be talking about a gun, his keys, a picture, his phone, his dick etc. BUT... we're not talking about ANY of those things! So... just sit back and enjoy the damn story muthafuckas and heffas!

It was wrapped tightly in plastic wrapping and the cat even knew that this thing was going to be great!

Whoa whoa whoa!
We aren't talking about that either! Geez! Can a female finish her story without having to redirect you people throughout the story? Dang!

Ka, my cat, started swiping at this wonderfully wrapped thing like he couldn't wait to see it or smell it!

The scent of this thing... man... it was so strong that a person KNEW that she was going to have a DAMN good time within the next 20 minutes!

My homeboy unwrapped it, then rewrapped it in a dutchmaster and it was on!!!

Meanwhile, while he was taking care of the goods... my cat was trying to swipe at him to get a taste! I ended up having to hold Ka to keep him from destroying the goods!

He lit that blunt, and OMG! I felt high just smelling the mister miyagison burn! It was my turn and man... I was excited~!

Before you heffas and muthafuckas start thinking that I'm a weedhead, I'm NOT! And, no, that's not denial, bitches! I haven't smoked in... ummm... well... since before Thanksgiving!

I took my numeral uno puff, and *cough cough cough* damn *cough cough* that's some good *cough cough cough cough cough..... cough cough* shit! My homeboys started laughing at me... and my boy said, "I told you I was going to bring you that good shit!" And he did! Man...

So, we're watching the Olympics' opening ceremony and passing this bad muthafucka around, right? And it hit me... I was high as a muthafucka! Usually, I just get high, but not sky high! Man, I was FLOATING! Then, I noticed my homeboys were choking on that shit and they was as high as I was, but still smoking! When the blunt made it back to me... I was already thinking, "Shit, I don't wanna be coughing and struggling for air." So... I passed and said, "I'm good." My homeboy looked at me and said, "You high ain't you." I was like, " NOooooooooooooooooooo...... I'm muthafuckin high!" And started giggling... "HOly shit. Did I just giggle? Nah, fuck that. I'm not going to be that muthafucka who's laughing alone tonight." But I just couldn't help it!

Everything was fucking hilarious! I did my best just to giggle and keep the boisterous laughter that wanted to escape inside, but damnit... it wanted to get the fuck out! The man in the white suit, for those of you who watched the ceremony, with the heart, veins, and arteries on it... that bitch did me in! WTF was he wearing and why? Ya'll remember that muthafucka, Mr. Body, who used to have a television show? He dressed in that suit that had all the body parts on it. He reminded me of Mr. Body, dudes. LOL... ok... no more dudes. LOL That muthafucka... OMG... one of the guys started laughing, I was looking like WTF is that and started laughing, then my homeboy started laughing... but we controlled it. AFter we laughed, I giggled a few more times... I couldn't help it. It was the weed that was making me laugh! hahahahahahaha

Then, all of a sudden, during a commercial... Me: bwaaahahahahahahahahaa

My homeboy: Damn girl, you are high! bwahahahaha

His homeboy: bwahahaha

Then I abruptly stopped laughing.

Why? Cuz I could feel the weed making me lean. Yup! It was time to lean to the right. I couldn't hold up my head anymore. It was time to lay the fuck down on my right side.

As I laid down, I saw my cat tripping. Ka was fucking high too! I was like, "Damn muthafuckas! Ya'll ain't had to get the cat high, too!" But, they asked before they blew smoke in his face, so it was cool. Ka was actually quite entertaining.

My homeboy cracked me up. He asked me, with a serious face while smoking, "Is it okay if I blow smoke in your cats face and get him high?"

Me: bwahahaha... yeah.

So, I'm laying on the couch thinking, "I should really get up and go blog while I'm high. I'd love to see how it would turn out. Damn, what was that? Why the fugg is my leg twitching? Seriously, I should go blog. DAmn! That commercial was hilarious! But I'm not going to laugh, cuz I might not stop for hours. DAmn, this house is gonna stink tomorrow. WTF is Ka doing? Just close ya eyes freak and go to sleep. STop looking at everybody like you high! I seriously should go blog, but damn, I can't move. I'm so fucking high. This feels great. It's just what I needed. DAmn, my leg is twitching again! WTF! Just keep shaking it so ya boy don't think you trippin."

THEN... during one of the foreigners "speech" during the opening ceremonies, my boy says, "What language is he speaking?" And this muthafucka was serious!

I was like... "Fuck if I know. They in Italy."

But it wasn't the Italian muthafucka. So, I really didn't know.

So, we go back to a HUSHED silence, like the first grade teacher raised her damn hand for silence. Not a damn word was being said. We were all higher than a mofo!

My eyes kept closing, but I fought those muthafuckas for an hour, cuz I wanted to watch the fireworks and the torch display. Man, how those Italians lit that damn torch was amazing! I loved it!

As soon as the torch was lit, I hear my boy say, "Girl, I need your ass to be my pillow. This weed got me leaning."

I started laughing and was like, wateva man. Meanwhile, I had been leaning for an hour or longer.

When I woke up it was 7am. The last time I had looked at the clock it was 1:30am. I retreated to my bed thinking, damn I shoulda blogged about this shit!

So I did... I'm just not high right now. And if I was... damn... you wouldn't be able to read it, cuz it wouldn't be finished. I woulda passed out. And the words woulda been spelled wrong.

Thank me for waiting until I was sober to type this. However, I do believe that if I had typed this while high, it mighta been funnier. I seriously had some randumb ass thoughts last night.

Anywho... my food is here now... and I'm going to go eat... and then... welll... what did you just finish reading... yup... u know what I'ma do afterwards~!

DAmn... maybe one day, I'll get to chill with Method Man and Redman and experience the high feeling with them~!


I'm high.
I don't know what time I wrote the previous. But it really feels like a long time ago.
For those who have ever experienced the sensation of mary-juh-wanna... u know how I'm feeling right now. Every time I look at the clock, it's only a minute later. No. seriously. it's a minute later. But damn... it feels like it's been a damn hour or so since the last time I looked at the clock. hmmm...
I watched The Grudge while me and my homeboys were hitting that blunt and I thought about BC. Man... I know you over there in Japan, and be careful. Don't even think about going near that neighborhood. Seriously, be.aware.of.your.neighborhoods. HOLLA
The Grudge went off and now I'm watching Blade. Man... ain't it funny how ur senses change when you high? Last night... and today... watching TV has been SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much more entertaining. Those commercials last night... man... I never laughed so hard! And for those of you that saw the Cadillac commercial with they cars sitting on top of those snowy mountains... or was it GMC... anywho... did you notice how the real trucks became model trucks and the snowy mountains were looking like cardboard? Nah.fahreal.dude. It happened. I am not tripping. It's almost like I'm paying too much attention to shit, but it's madd interesting.
Like, last night, I realized that that Ethiopian dude is at the Olympics by.him.self. He betta take home a Gold or his country is gonna whoop his ass AND he gonna be emburassed.

Since when does Bermuda have winters to where they can ski and all that other wintry sport ish. Seriously... WTF would someone from Bermuda wanna participate in the Winter Olympics? I bet they freezing and are thinking, "DAmn... it's cold as some testicles in the Atlantic in the FALL! What was WE thinking coming to play in some damn snow?"

Anywho... And, Ladies, and gay gents, did ya'll see that fine ass liteskin pretty muthafucka from Senegal? OMG FAh real tho.... holy shitake mushrooms! If Africa wasn't in the beginnings of war, shoot, I would take my happy ass to Senegal to find this mofo and get his green card for him! Whoa... yah... I would.sure. He's beautimus! And we would have some pretty ass babies! HOLLA! Thank you!

My cat won't have a thing to do with me right now. I blew some smoke in his face to get him high and he ran off. I hope he's still alive. He's prolly high as a muhfucka right now and don't know what to do with himself (damn I can't spell himself... that took like 8 errrors). Seriously... I bet that damn cat is thinking: "Wat the fuck is going on? I'ma go to sleep... nah... I don't want my pet human to think I'm a punk"

Speaking of punk... Why is it that men always, ALWAYS, seem to be able to control themselves when they are high, but we damn females laugh our fucking asses off? Even over something that's NOT funny! We find the humor in stupid shit and start laughing, and you men, I know, are over there thinking.. damn... WTF is wrong with her? She trippin! DAmn. She high as a muhfucka! Men... how the fuck do ya'll stay so damn calm when you high and don't lose control of ur laughter? Please... share your secret! I don't think it's fair for you to be punkin' us ladies like that! Making us look like we can't hold our weed! I can hold that muhfucka! Right between my index finger and thumb to bring that blunt to my mouth to take that puff!

My favorite high moment:
2000 Summer
My homegirl and I are on our way home from the club. She got some weed up in her Ford Ranger (waving furiously at Kim) and we rolled that shit up in some paper. We're smoking on the way home, she's driving. We already tipsy from drinking, but we needed kryptonite, cuz we wanted to go right to sleep when we got home. Okay, I was drunk and didn't want my room to spin. DAMN! Well, we like 5 minutes from my house, getting ready to turn down my old street and I don't know how I got started, but I started flowing (rapping for those of you who don't understand) about my girl driving! She's giggling and I stop... cuz I don't even know I'm flowing, I thought I was just talking... and she looks at me and says, "Nah, don't stop. You was flowing and that shit sounded good!" I looked at her and said, "You high." And I started flowing about her driving and being high. I don't remember how that shit went, but it was something like:
Kim and I driving down Kings HWY
She just ran off the street
And now we dippin and diving
In the grass and to the pavement.

I know you high girl
But don't forget my turn
I'm ready to go home
And watch my eyelids burn

see... I told you it was whack. Nah, seroiusly... I don't remember what I said. I just remember being in her truck and words that I said like wheel, turn, blinker, grass, etc.


For you fellow smokers, you know what I mean.


I'ma stop now, cuz I don't even remember what I talked about before the weed experience... Plus...
I might be making fool of myself.
I needed to pay my bills today, but then I got high.
I was going to make me a meatloaf for dinner, but then I got high.
DAmn... what else have I just pushed aside, because I got high... *courtesy of Afroman: Because I Got High*

I'm just saying

I'm high , damnit... don't listen to me.